Death Cafes began in the UK, of course~ how could conversation about death and dying over tea and cake be anything other than English?
Recently, I had the pleasure of attending my first Death Cafe. They arrived in the US (to Ohio) in 2012 and came to San Diego in May of 2013. Overall, it was a great experience~ compassionate people with wonderful conversation. Interestingly, I found that I learned some new ways of thinking about things…. and also have some new questions to consider. Interesting because I have been writing a book~ a workbook filled with questions designed to help people get clear on their final wishes.
I have been working in the end of life field since 2007. It was not something I had planned for or sought out. However, I discovered, like so many of my companions in this field, that once it discovered me I could not imagine anything different for my life. My experience with death was not unusual, in that my parents in their wisdom attempted to shield us from grief. So, it wasn’t until I was in high school that I went to my first wake and funeral. And that only happened because my great uncle was a somebody and my father was named after him, so we had to be there. (hmmm…. I wonder where those photos are?)
Now, also like many of my companions in this field, I have yet to do my own work of getting clear on my final wishes…. as I have guided so many others to do. So, here I am both as a facilitator and participant! I am passionate about having conversations about how to bring consciousness and intention to living and dying. And my wish is that more people have access to the tools and resources they need to make informed decisions about their final days. There are too many stories out there and around me, of people who die way too young, or are depressed and die by suicide, or are involved in some tragic accident. (On another note, I also am slightly biased and wish that healthcare in the US could be based on the hospice model. Another post for another day!)
Working with patients and families in hospice, I got to see first-hand how challenging it was to make certain decisions in the midst of the emotional crisis families often experience at end of life, regardless of how long they have known they or their loved one was dying.
And, I got to see the rare few who had a different experience because they had taken the time to answer some questions for themselves about what they wished for their final days. That is not to say that they did not experience pain, grief or suffering. No, because they did. However, there was also a degree of peace amidst the suffering~ they had made peace with their lives, made some specific practical decisions, and could just relax into their final days.
Soon, I will be hosting my first Death Cafe. I have been intending to start this blog for some time… yet hesitated because I had not done the work myself. However, supporting and watching others in their own process of becoming clear is something I am deeply passionate about… In my work I remind people that not only do they have choices, they also have so much of what they need already in place and within themselves. And, having conversations about death and dying and supporting others on their own journey means I have to do the work myself and trust the process as I have encouraged so many others to do over the years.
Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you!